The List
by dante4everfan
Summary: Finn has been noticing changes in his best friend Rachel Berry. When he finally finds out, what's been going on with his best friend, he's shocked. But, who knew one summer, and one little list could make some things different. Better summary inside! R
1. The Changes

**Another AU fic I'm starting :) I hope you enjoy it! Haha It's kind of a discovering yourself fic. I hope it makes you think.**

**Full Summary: Finn's been noticing something different about his best friend Rachel lately. She's quieter, and she's dressing differently, and so many more things. When Finn finally goes on a mission to find out his truth, he is shocked when he finds out what the tiny brunette has been hiding. And who knew, one little list could take to kids on a journey of discovering themselves:)**

**This first chapter might have a weird point of view.**

**Chapter One: The Changes**

Finn's been paying attention to his best friend Rachel Berry's new habits. The one's she'd picked up over the fast few months. He noticed all off it. One thing he'd noticed was she had stopped talking to him as much. Which was weird, because Rachel loved talking to him. She told him all the time. But lately, she'd been avoiding him. It had started out slow, but then got to where she never talked to him at all. Which defiantly worried him.

Finn noticed, that she started dressing in darker clothing. She'd been dressing weird lately. Every skirt she wore was black. Almost every shirt she picked was either, black, gray, or dark gray. He didn't understand it. One time he had tried to ask her why she was dressing weird, but she just stared at him and walked away.

He noticed that she quit participating as much in glee. She'd give up her solo's to the other girls instead of taking them. She rarely said a word to anyone the entire time they were there. If anyone asked her what she thought about a performance, she'd just nod and say it was good.

Finn noticed, that she'd only wear long sleeved shirts. He didn't understand it, but she did. He'd always see her walking around in a long sleeved dark colored shirt. He'd always see her holding the end of one of her sleeves when she was upset. Like, one time, he saw her crying, and holding onto the bottom of the sleeve while she bit her lip, and before he could get to her to see what was wrong, she'd run into the girls room.

He noticed, every time he tried to talk to her, she'd give him the same blank stare. He'd ask her what was going on, and she would just shake her head and run away crying, leaving him wondering what was happening to his best friend.

The newest thing Finn noticed was, that Rachel cut her long hair. She cut it off to shoulder length. And she just seemed to over all quit caring. Which scared Finn.

One day, when he saw her crying, it finally dawned on him. Since he wasn't the smartest, he'd gotten later than someone else might have. But he did indeed get it. His best friend was depressed. She needed his help, and even if she didn't want it, she was going to get it.

Now, Finn had a plan. He was going to talk to her tomorrow. Right as he was about to leave the school after football practice, he remembered he left something in his locker. He walked back to get it, and as he opened his locker a pink note with a star on it, fell out.

He looked a little confused at first until he opened it. The note read:

_Dear Finn,_

_If you are reading this, You must already know what happened to me. My dad's have probably already found me, and everyone was a little shocked at first, but now everyone is probably back to there routines. _

_Besides my dad's, you're the only one I wrote a note to. I feel that you are the only other person I owe an explanation to. I feel that way, because no matter how I've been acting the past couple of weeks, your still my very best friend in the whole world, and none of this is your fault. If anyone ever tries to tell you it is, you show them this note, and show them what I just wrote._

_Well, since it's Friday morning, your probably just about to go to math class. Make sure you get everything done that you need to okay? Make sure you don't fall behind in school because your sad over me. Besides, nobody should ever be sad over me. I'm not worth it._

_Anyways. If you haven't already found out what happened to me, you will within the hour. I want you to hear it from me first. I'm so sorry. Finn, If your reading this, then I'm dead. Case closed. No way to put it nicely anymore._

_Just remember sweetie, it was never your fault. Not once the entire time I came to the conclusion that I was going to commit suicide, did I ever, ever place any blame on you. _

_You have no idea how I'm feeling. My world his collapsing around me and I just need to fix it. This was the only way I saw fit. Once again I'm so sorry. I'll see you again someday._

_Love,_

_Rachel Berry*_

Finn's mouth fell wide open. He started thinking about it. Today was Thursday. Meaning tomorrow was Friday. Meaning Rachel didn't think he would find that note until tomorrow morning.

Finn slammed his locker shut, running out to his car. He knew he needed to get to Rachel's house quick, before he ran out of time.

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**So what did you guys think of the first chapter? Please Read and review!**


	2. Getting There in Time

**Here's the next chapter to my story, "The List." I hope you like it:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee:( No matter how much I wish I did.**

**Chapter Two: Getting there in time**

All the way to Rachel's house, Finn's eyes were filled with tears. No, correction. His eyes weren't just filled with tears. Those tears were spilling out the sides, and Finn was crying. He was so scared, that he was going to be to late.

He looked at his car clock. He only had three more minutes until he would arrive at the Berry residence. So many things were running through his head. That he was having trouble thinking. The main thing that kept popping up in all his thoughts was:_ The woman I love is about to commit suicide._

When he got there, and practically jumped out of his car, and ran up to the door. He didn't even bother knocking. He just busted the door open with all his might. "Rachel! Rachel!"Finn shouted as he ran around her living room searching for her.

After about a minute, a sad girl, with tears in her eyes came walking slowly down her stairs. "Hello." She whispered. Finn ran up to her, and through his arms around her. "Hi..." was all he could manage to breath out, as he held the little crying girl in his arms.

"What are you doing here Finn? You need to leave. And was it really necessary to bust down my door?" She asked as she walked over to the door and saw where it was coming off on one of the hinges from where Finn rammed into it.

He walked up beside her and breathed deep. "I went back to my locker after football practice." He told her. She froze. "Why?" She asked through tears that she was trying to keep in. "I left a textbook. Rach. I found your note." He sighed. Rachel turned around and looked him in the eyes.

She never said a word. Just stood there, looking up at him. "They would've found me tonight. They were going to come home once more before they left on their journey to 'Safe the world' or something." Rachel explained, as she choked on tears coming out.

Finn thought about it. Tomorrow was the last day of school. "How long would they have been gone?" He asked. "They _will_ be gone all summer. They aren't coming back until the third day of school next year." Rachel said as she shut the door as best she could, and walked over to the couch.

"They can't leave you." Finn said as he walked over and sat next to her. "Y-ou need t-o go." She stuttered out through tears. Rachel wiped her eyes on her long sleeved shirt, and looked at the floor. "I'm not leaving you." He said as he placed a hand on her knee.

"I can't do this anymore Finn. You don't understand." She cried as she stood up and walked over to where the tv was. Her fingers danced along the screen as she let silent tears fall down her cheeks.

"Make me understand, Rach!" Finn almost shouted. She looked up from the black screen of the television to look at him. Her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying she'd done that day.

"My dads are never here. I live in a big house that's always empty. My mom told me she didn't want, me, after she tracked me down and made me think she wanted something to do with my life. I get slushied everyday. I get called stupid names all the time. People make fun of me on a daily basis. When my dads are here, they fight. The entire time. I have two friends. You and sometimes Tina. I get told by everyone that I'm not good enough, and not pretty enough, and not worth a crap. And I'm done with it." Rachel said in an icy, calm tone that made shivers run down Finn's spine.

"Who gives a crap about them." He muttered as he stood up and walked over to the defeated girl before him. Rachel looked up, with a frown on her face. "I do. These are the people, that I have to spend the next two years of my life with. I have to make it work, Finn. I don't want to be here anymore." She explained.

By now, she wasn't crying anymore. Her big brown eyes, just looked sad and hurt. All the joy that was ever there, seemed to be gone. Finn watched as Rachel looked at the floor. He wanted so bad to know what she was thinking about. "Don't worry about them." He sighed as her rubbed her shoulder.

Her stare went to his large hand. She watched it rub her shoulder in a comforting way. She looked at the floor once more, having trouble looking Finn in the eyes for very long. Rachel looked down to the bottom of her shirt sleeves. Slowly she inched the left side up, inch by inch, until it reacher elbow.

She looked up at Finn and held out her wrist. He took it in his hand and flipped it over. Revealing brand new little cuts, that must've been from earlier that day. He could barley bare to look at it. He placed her wrist back at her side, and pulled down the sleeve.

"I want you to be okay." He finally said, breaking the silence that was so comforting to Rachel. She shook her head. "I don't know if I'll ever be okay again." She cried as she threw herself into his arms.

Finn kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. "I'm going to be here all night. I promise you I won't leave your side." He promised into her hair. Rachel sighed. "Finn..." She started, but he shushed her by placing his finger to her lips.

"Please." he quietly begged. She nodded. "It's not going to change anything." She spit out, as she backed away from his embrace. Rachel was shaking her head, and tears were coming out. She looked like she was about to have all of her emotions explode out.

"At least let me try. Give me at least that much Rachel." He felt a tear roll down his cheeks as the words left his mouth. She shook her head. "I care about you to much Finn!" She shouted as she ran over to her couch, and put her head in her knees.

She looked so helpless to Finn. He couldn't believe the scene that was playing out before him. He didn't mind though, as long as she was safe. He walked over to the couch and took a seat next to her. All he could see was the top of her head, but her could her the soft sounds of her muffled sobs. Finn pet her hair, and then breathed in deeply.

He leaned his head back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling, his hand still petting her hair. "Whenever your ready Rachel, we can start talking. But until then, we can just sit here, if you'd like."

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**So, did you love it? Hate it? Was it to dramatic? Tell me the truth!** **R AND R plz:)**


	3. Lock and Key

**Hiya! Okay, so I hope you are enjoying this! Haha hmmmmm here we go:)**

**Chapter Three: Lock and Key**

They sat like that for hours. No words, just both of them sitting in those positions. Her face was still in her knee's and Finn's eyes were squeezed tightly shut as he stared up at the ceiling. When they heard the door being opened, they both looked up and saw both of Rachel's fathers walk through the door.

"Hello! Rachel!" Her smallest father, Hiram called out in a cheery tone. She stood up and walked over to them. "Hello." She smiled and said in her best actress voice. Sometimes Finn wished Rachel wasn't such a good actress. That way everyone could see the pain he saw, and help her when she needs it.

"Princess!" Her other dad, Leroy, shouted as he walked over and placed a kiss a top her head. "Your father just needs to grab something then we will be on our way." Hiram smiled, as Leroy walked upstairs.

"What happened to the door?" Rachel's father asked. "Well..." Finn started but was cut of by Rachel. "The hinges were really old. You know that. I pulled a little to hard on the door, and it just broke." She shrugged and sighed.

Finn saw how good she was at hiding things from them. It made him wonder if it was because she had been hiding things from everyone for so long. He watched as her dad studied her. He wondered how the man didn't realize how much pain his daughter was in.

"Okay. Well...I love you honey. You're my little star." Hiram smiled as he walked over and placed a kiss on his daughters cheek, just as Leroy came down the stairs. "Alright time to leave." Leroy said, never even looking at Rachel, he walked out the door to the car.

Hiram kissed her one more time then walked out the door.

Rachel watched, as a feeling of emptiness started to sink in. "I hate this house." She muttered as the two went to sit on the couch again. Once he sat down she made sure she sat on the opposite side of him. "I know." He said quietly as he looked over at her, taking in the way she looked.

"I wish you wouldn't have showed up." Rachel said simply as she looked at the blank screen of her television. Finn sighed. He scooted closer to the fragile girl and placed an arm around her. "I never would have forgiven myself. Ever. I would've always felt like it was my fault." He sighed and thought about all the emotions he had felt earlier.

"Finn just go." Rachel whispered, in a sad tone. Finn shook his head. "I'm not leaving you. I love you to much to let anything happen to you." He breathed in and looked at her. Her big brown tear filled eyes were looking up at him.

"You can't always be there to protect me. Someday I'm going to be in the real world without you." She told him. He just shook his head. "I never want to lose you. I already almost did. And I never want that to happen again. Your to important to lose. And I will convince you of that Rachel. This summer is going to be all about you." He said with a hurt smile as he stood up.

She shook her head. "No. I deserve the loneliness that this big house brings. I should be alone." She told him while a tear fell down her cheeks. "I love you, Rachel." He put all the emotion he felt into those four words. She looked up at him, with a blank stare.

"Lying to me only makes things worse." She began to cry like she'd never cried before. "It's not a lie. I don't care what you think. It's the truth." Her crying was catching on and tears began to fall down his cheeks.

"What happened to you Rachel? When did everything fall apart?" He asked. She shrugged. "Three months ago. I guess." She sniffled. He nodded. "How? What happened?" Finn asked, as she stood up and walked over to him.

"Follow me." She said. He nodded and both of them walked upstairs. They went into her bedroom, and Rachel walked over to her pillow and pulled something out from underneath it. She started sobbing and walked over to him. She looked up at him. The thing that was underneath her pillow was now behind her back.

"Here." Rachel pulled herself together long enough to say that one word. She slowly brought a silver gun out from behind her back and put it in Finn's hand. His eyes got huge and he looked down at her.

"Rachel..." He started. She sniffled once again. "Are you still in love with me now?"

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**Please review!**


	4. Love the way you Lie

**Are you guys liking it? Huh? Leave me reviews:)**

**Chapter Four: Love the way you lie**

Finn stared at the weapon in his hand. His thoughts were racing. "Rachel..." He said once more as he looked at her. She shook her head. "Please leave," She cried. Rachel walked over to her bed and laid down sobbing into her pillow.

"I still love you." Finn stated. He set the gun down on the table and walked over, and took a seat next to her. She was lying on her stomach. He slowly rubbed her back in soothing way. "You shouldn't" He heard the words come out, muffled by the pillow.

"Why Rachel? Because you're a little depressed? Because life hasn't been fair to you? Why don't you think I should love you?" He asked, as he looked over at the gun once more. "I cause pain. I mean, if you had never been friends with me, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be in any type of pain." She said as she looked up at him.

"If we weren't friends, my life would suck. If we weren't friends, I would've woke up tomorrow morning as if nothing was different. I would've come to school and heard about a girl who killed herself. The entire time, I would've been thinking, how could no one have noticed anything was wrong." Finn told her as he looked into her sad eyes.

"Please leave." She pleaded one last time. He shook his head. "Rachel I can't. What happened to you? Honestly. What happened?" He asked, still rubbing her back.

"So much. I mean, I woke up one morning, and everything anyone had ever said to me, that was mean or hurtful or horrible finally sunk in. Because, after long enough every word they said finally gets to you. Whether, it makes you feel upset for an hour, or it makes you depressed. It always gets to you." She sighed. The tears were still running down her cheeks.

"Seeing you this way breaks my heart. I want you to be okay Rach. I want to help you be okay. I think we can put all of this behind you. Like I said earlier. This summer is going to be all about you. And who you are." Finn said as he bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"What if I'm not really sure who I am." Rachel hiccuped through a sob. Finn shrugged. "Then I guess we will discover who you are. I love you so much." He looked down at her with loving eyes.

Rachel squeezed her eyes closed. "Stop saying that." She breathed out heavily. "Why?" Finn asked as he let a few tears fall down his cheeks. "Because...I just don't want to hear it." She snapped. Her eyes narrowed as if she was trying to be mad at him but couldn't.

"Give me a reason to be mad at you. Give me a reason to kick you out of this room and tell you to leave, and not feel guilty." She sighed. "Not feel guilty about what?" Finn asked as he moved a piece of hair out of her face. "Nothing." She choked on the words.

He nodded. "Your going to be okay." He said while nodding. "How can you be so sure?" She asked her big brown eyes, getting even puffier and redder than before. "I'm Finn. I just know these things." He smiled sadly while bringing her into a huge hug.

She immediately wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shoulder. "I only pushed you away so, it'd be easier on you if something happened to me." Rachel cried. "Well, now, nothing is going to happen to you. I won't let it." He kissed her head and sighed.

He was so glad she was where she was. In his arms, safe. Finn thought to earlier when he'd found the note. He breathed in a shallow breath as he thought about it. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Rachel closer as his thoughts went to what would've happened if he hadn't found the note.

Finn wondered, if her dad's would've found her. Or if it would've been him, or the neighbors, or anyone else. He couldn't imagine it being him. The thought was to unbearable. He knew, if it would've been him, he would've fallen to his knee's and silently cried his eyes out until the police got there.

He wondered who would miss her. Who would feel guilty. Finn knew he would've. But would anyone else have? Would Quinn have felt guilty for being so mean to her? Would Santana and Puck, and any other popular person have felt guilty for slushying her and bringing down her self esteem until there was nothing but the crumpled pieces of her broken heart?

Would Kurt have felt guilty, for always trying to outdo her and make her feel as though she wasn't good enough? Would Mr. Shuester have felt guilty, for not noticing the obvious signs that she was becoming more and more depressed with each day that went by?

Would Principle Figgens gave felt guilty, for the sheer reason, that even he never noticed that something was going on with one of his students? Would Leroy have felt guilty, for constantly ignoring his only daughter and making her feel as though she was always alone? Would Hiram have felt guilty, for going along with whatever Leroy said?

Something told him, no matter how much everyone tried to deny it, they would all feel a little guilty. Like they would all know they had a little bit of fault in her death. He wondered if everyone would look at each other the same. He wondered, if for a few weeks, the school would have sort of an emptiness, like in all her classes, there would be that chair she used to occupy. Finn knew, that he would've seen that empty seat and probably have started crying, right in the middle of class in front of everyone.

Finn felt relieved that he had gotten their when he did. Because, he knew, that he would've felt guilty for never saying anything, and all the stuff he did before they were friends. Which wasn't much, but still he played a part in what got her to the point she was now.

It made him want to cry, knowing that his Rachel was so far over that line, that we all have, which shows whether we are happy or sad, or depressed, that she was considering suicide.

"Rachel...I have an idea."

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**Please review! You+ reviewing= mehappy:)**


	5. The List

**Well, you guys, the plot is about to get to where it's supposed to be! Your finally going to find out what the title means:)**

**Chapter Five: The List**

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Rachel looked up at Finn. "What's your idea?" She asked, as she situated herself in his embrace. "Let's make a list." He suggested. Rachel gave him a confused look. "What kind of list?" She questioned him again. Finn slowly eased her off his lap and went looking around her room for a pen and paper.

"I want you to write down, everything you want to do. To get you back on track, or that would just make you happy Rach." He said and handed her the paper and pen. She shot him one more strange glance, that showed he needed to elaborate.

"Ten things. Ten things that we will do this summer. Ten things that you need to do for yourself. Things that maybe I can help with, or things you need to just do alone, but ten things." He clarified.

"You want me to write down ten things that I need to do?" She asked. "Like to make me happier?" Rachel asked as she looked down at the blank paper. Finn nodded. "Ask yourself, what do you need? Title the paper, 'Rachel's List'." He told her. She nodded. "Ok...I think I get it." She smiled slightly, which made him smile as well.

Finn sat and watched her think about what to write for hours. She would stare at the paper, then look at him, then back at the paper, scribbling something down every once in a while. "How's it coming?" He would ask. She'd nod. And ask, "Why am I doing this again?" He'd look at her and shake his head. "For you." He'd answer.

Finally after what seemed like forever she looked up at him. "It's finished." A small sad smile coming to her lips. He took the piece of paper and looked at it:

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_Rachel's List_:

_1: Figure out why my mom didn't want me._

_2: Figure out who my true father is._

_3: Help someone in need._

_4:_ _Talk to someone whose been in the situation as me._

_5: Sing on a Broadway stage_

_6: Sit in a field and watch the stars_

_7: Group Therapy_

_8: Tell everybody whoever hurt me, what I need to tell them._

_9: Talk to my Daddy. A heart-to-heart talk._

_10: Trust Again._

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"You don't know who your true father is?" Finn asked. Rachel shook her head. "I know we can't do some of these things, but it's nice to dream right?" She laughed. Finn shook his head. "We will do all of them. Starting, tomorrow afternoon. We will do every single thing on this list." He told her. She shook her head.

"You shouldn't be helping me." She sighed. "I love you. Of course I should." He smiled sadly. "I know you do." She breathed. "Rach, let's take your list and go to my house okay? I think you should stay there tonight." He suggested.

She nodded. "I think your probably right."

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**If you have any questions about anything on the list feel free to ask:)**


	6. Mother, Mother

**Here is the next chapter:) I hope you guys love this like I do!**

**Chapter Six: Mother, Mother**

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The car ride to Finn's house started out silent. "I'm so sorry." Rachel said quietly as she stared out the window. He shook his head. "Don't be." He sighed. "I'm pathetic." She muttered. He looked over at her.

Her tiny frame hunched together, as if she were trying to hold herself in place. "Finn...what am I going to do? I just can't convince myself to want to care anymore." She said softly, never looking over at him. "I'm going to help you Rachel. I promise. I will show you, that there is a lot of stuff you should care about." He breathed in deeply, his heart was breaking for her.

Finn heard muffled sobs, and looked over at Rachel. Her face was in her hands and she was crying. She looked at him and shook her head. "You should've let me die..." She said through tears. He shook his head. "Rachel..." He started.

She just stared at him. "Please don't." She pleaded then looked back out the window.

When they got to Finn's house, they both got out, and Finn brought her up to the door. He opened the door, and immediately saw his mom sitting on the couch. "Hey baby," She smiled, until she saw the look on his face. She also saw the tears still falling down Rachel's cheeks.

"Mom, can Rachel stay here for a little while?" Finn asked his voice cracked a little bit. "Why? What's wrong?" Carole asked. Finn looked at Rachel and back at his mom. "Hey Rach? Maybe you should go try to sleep or something okay? In my room. You know where it is." He said. Rachel nodded and walked down the hallway.

"Okay, what's going on?" Carole asked quietly. "She needs a place to stay. Mom, her dads left her for the whole summer. She needs us. Plus, you have no idea, I'll the stuff I've seen this afternoon. I don't think she should be alone." He sighed quickly and took a seat next to his mother.

"Finn...what's wrong with her?" She asked again. "She's...god mom. I'm not old enough to deal with this. My best friend almost died today." He let a few tears fall down his cheeks. "How did she almost die? Finn baby, talk to me." Carole put an arm around her son.

"Suicide." He choked out. Carole's face fell. "Finn...are you sure?" She asked. He nodded and pulled the note from earlier out his jean pocket and handed it to Carole. She looked it over and read it. "Oh my...honey...obviously you got there in time, but what happened when you did get there?" She questioned, giving him a sympathetic look.

"We talked, and sat, and cried, and put our hearts on the line." He sucked in air and let it out again. "Mom...if something ever happens to her...I don't know if I'll ever love again." He cried quietly. "You love her?" Carole asked while rubbing Finn's back. He nodded. "So much." He said. He looked over at his mom.

"Can we help her?" He asked. Carole nodded. "Of course we can. We aren't going to let her stay alone. She obviously needs us. Finn, you're a good guy. I think you can help her. Just be careful. She might not be ready for you yet." Carole said as she stood up.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "You love her." She said while walking into the kitchen. "I do." Finn whispered. He walked down the hallway and into his bedroom. He looked in and found Rachel asleep on his bed. He smiled to himself, and walked back out into the living room, taking a seat on the couch and watching TV.

He closed his eyes for a few moments taking everything in. Most importantly what she'd said just a little while ago.

"_I woke up one morning, and everything anyone had ever said to me, that was mean or hurtful or horrible finally sunk in. Because, after long enough every word they said finally gets to you. Whether, it makes you feel upset for an hour, or it makes you depressed. It always gets to you"_

He shivered a bit at the thought of her shaky, cold, depressed voice. He shook his head as he thought about the way her eyes had looked, empty for so long. He sighed and held in a tears at the thought of her actually wanting to hurt herself.

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	7. Start of Number Eight

**I'm officially a loser lol three update sin one day! So...are you guys enjoying this? Cus I'm really enjoying writing it:) Haha well, please, PLEASE, review:)**

**Chapter Seven: Start of Number Eight**

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The next morning, Finn woke up and found himself still on the couch, but now he had a blanket covering him. He looked at his phone, and realized that it was time to start getting ready for school. He walked into his bedroom and found Rachel still asleep.

He walked over and nudged her slightly. "Rach, today's the last day of school. We don't have to go unless you really want to." He smiled down at the tired girl. "I want to go." She breathed and yawned.

"Are you sure?" He asked, a little surprised. Rachel nodded. "A perfect time to complete number eight on my list." She told him, her voice still cold and shaky. Finn nodded and watched as she stood up. He grabbed his clothes, and walked into the bathroom to get ready.

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During the car ride to school, Finn looked over at her. "Are you sure you want to do number eight today?" He asked, hoping she would say no. "I'm sure." She nodded. He sighed and looked at the road again. "Okay." He agreed.

The two walked into school, and Rachel immediately saw the first person she wanted to talk to. Finn followed closely behind Rachel, but stopped when she told him to.

"Quinn!" Rachel yelled. The blonde cheerleader looked over at the tiny brunette and scowled. "What do you want man hands?" Quinn asked rudely. "I want you to know what you've done. I want you to know everything..." Rachel started, her eyes filling with tears.

Finn could tell, Rachel was finally ready to blow.

"What did I do?" Quinn asked sarcastically. "You pushed me so far...and you don't even care. You were horrible to me, and think that it doesn't affect me. Or that I will just get over it. Well, it does affect me, and I'm not going to get over this easily." Rachel said as she appeared to get angrier while Santana and Quinn laughed, not realizing the seriousness of this outburst.

"Oh boo hoo. Something tells me you'll eventually get over it, treasure trail." The blonde laughed, and looked around at the crowd that was forming around them. "You and all your other cheerio's had a hand in this. I hate myself partly because of you. One day, your going to wake up and see, that nobody really likes you, everyone is just scared." Rachel cried a little bit.

Finn stepped up to stop her, but was pushed back by someone in the front of the crowd.

"Everyone loves us." Quinn shot out at her. Rachel shook her head. "Okay, well maybe that's true. But I don't. I have no respect for you, and would you like to know why? Because you pushed me so far! And you think it's funny. You have no idea what kind of hell you put me through, and you've never even cared enough to find out how bad it hurt, or how it's affecting me." Rachel started full on crying, and Finn tried once again to make it through the crowd.

"Okay, go ahead. Tell me, no enlighten me with how this is all affecting you." Quinn rolled her eyes as she said it. "It makes me depressed. There, I'll admit it. It's out in the open now. It makes me want to cut myself, every time you say something horrible to me. It makes me want to die." Rachel said through tears.

Quinn's whole face dropped. Santana just laughed. Quinn turned and gave Santana a horrible look. "Rachel..." Quinn started, her voice full of sadness. "Your going to remember me. All of you. I hope you remember this. Because you deserve to know that you had a part in this!" Rachel sobbed and ran towards Finn right as Mr. Shuester ran over to break up what was going on.

"What's happening here?" he asked. Quinn shook her head. Nobody said a word. Everybody just left, leaving, An angry Finn, a crying Rachel, and a confused Mr. Shuester in the hallway.

"I think we need to all talk." The teacher said. Finn and Rachel looked at each other once, then followed him into the choir room.

"Mr. Shuester, I'm glad you brought us in here. Because I have something I would like to say to you as well."

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	8. Number Eight Continued

**Wow...it's sad when you feel like you can relate to one of your characters. But then again, I guess you can't write something like this, without relating can you? Oh well, here's chapter eight:)**

**Chapter Eight: Number Eight Continued**

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Finn looked down at the girl standing next to him. So many thoughts were going through his head at once, as he heard her talking. He wasn't sure exactly what she was saying, because he only caught parts of it, here and there.

"_You never like me anyways."_

He watched Mr. Shuester's facial expression change from friendly to confused, to sad in a matter of seconds. Finn was trying so hard to listen to what she was saying, he just couldn't he was watching her mouth move, and he could see the sadness that was in her eyes.

"_I am never good enough for anyone. And I just quit caring."_

Mr. Shue, was still listening. Both, Rachel and the teacher were on the verge of tears. Finn saw as Mr. Shuester opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by the girl who was in so much pain. The tall boy wanted so bad to help her, but didn't know how.

"_So, next time you look in the mirror, I hope you think about me. And how you never cared enough to help me."_

She finished up her talk with the teacher and walked out of the room, Finn following closely behind. "I need to talk to Noah Puckerman now." She decided as she nodded her head. Finn touched her shoulder and turned her to face him. "Rach...maybe I should take you home. The first hour bell is about to ring. You won't have time to talk to him. Plus I think you need to go home." He sighed.

Rachel shook her head. "I need this Finn." Those little words were all it took, and with that, Finn helped her find best friend. He was at his locker, obviously skipping first hour. "Noah..." Rachel started. The mohawk clad boy turned and smirked at her.

"Cutting class, you naughty, naughty kids." he chuckled, until he saw the serious look on her face, and the sympathetic look coming from the taller boy. "What's going on?" Puck asked. Rachel shook her head.

"You don't care about anyone but yourself." She spit out. Puck gave her a confused look, but never said a thing. "I'm sorry, for anything I've ever done to you, but can you honestly say your sorry about anything you've ever done to me?" She asked. Silence.

"Didn't think so. Listen here Puckerman. I got a slushy in my face from you almost everyday. I first I just brushed it off as not a big deal. But over time, it became a big deal. It became heart breaking, to think that someone hated me so much they felt the need to degrade me in public." Rachel breathed in a sharp breath, as she stared at him. "Rachel..." Puck started.

"That's all anyone ever says anymore!" She shouted a little loudly. "I'm sick of it." She began to cry. "I cried myself to sleep every night for so long. Would you like to know why?" She asked, anger in her soft sad voice.

He shook his head no, pain becoming evident on his face. "To bad. You deserve to know. I cried because, I felt horrible about myself! My world was falling down around me and I was just watching. And every time someone called me a name or threw a slushy, I watched it fall down a little more. Do you know what it feels like to have everything slipping away? To feel like your life is running ahead of you, and you can't catch up? Or to always feel like the winds knocked out of you, because your heart hurts, and is making it difficult to breath? No, you probably know nothing about that." She cried, then ran away.

Puck looked over at Finn. "Don't let anything happen to her." Puck said before he walked away. Leaving Finn, alone in the hallway.

The tall boy walked until he found Rachel outside the school sitting all alone. "You ready to go home now?" He asked in a low tone. She looked up at him and nodded. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "I want to take a hot shower, then take a nap." She sighed.

"Okay." Finn agreed. She shook her head. "I need to go home Finn, back to my house. I can't stay with you." She sighed. He looked at her. "Yes you can. I'm here to help you. You have to let me help, or at least let me try to help." Finn gulped. He could feel his own tears coming, but he stopped them quickly.

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When they arrived at Finn's house, he grabbed her bag, and carried it in for her even though she protested. They got in the house, and he set her stuff in his room while he grabbed clothes for her, and brought them into the bathroom. He turned on her shower then walked out to get her.

Finn walked over and hugged her. "I love you so much." he sighed as he squeezed her lightly. She kissed his cheek and mouthed a silent thank you. Rachel walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror at her reflection.

She breathed in, and began to undress. She got in and let the warm water hit her cold body. She breathed shakily as she leaned her back up against the back of the shower. Rachel began to think about everything, which made her start crying.

She slid down the wall, until she was sitting, staring at the handle, which made the water warmer or colder. She tilted her head back and rested it against the wall. She squeezed her eyes shut, while water hit her face.

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**Review:)**


	9. How to save a life

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Yikes. This is getting really sad...well, I really do relate to one of these characters:/ anyways...lol not a big deal:) Read on, and review:)

**Chapter Nine: How to save a life**

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Rachel woke up late the next morning, because it was summer. She looked up and breathed in the smell of food. She got up and walked out into the living room, where she saw, Burt, Kurt, and Finn sitting. She smiled halfheartedly at Finn.

"Hey sleepy head. Good Morning." He said as he walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. He kissed her head and smiled at her. "You know Kurt. This is Burt, he's dating my mom..." He said awkwardly as he walked Rachel over to him. They shook hands, and Rachel gave him a half smile.

"My mom's making breakfast." He told the tired girl. She nodded and took a seat on the couch. He walked over and sat next to her. He placed and arm around her shoulders and breathed in. He leaned in so he could whisper in her ear. "You are so beautiful, and smart, and wonderful. Your life is important. I plan on telling you everyday."

He moved his mouth away from her ear and walked into the kitchen. Burt followed behind. Kurt stared at Rachel for a few seconds, before walking over and sitting next to her. "Go ahead." He spoke. "Say what you need to, to me. I want to hear it." He breathed.

Rachel looked up at him. "No. I have nothing to say to you." She shook her head and looked straight ahead. "That's almost worse then telling me off." Kurt sighed and looked at the broken girl sitting next to him.

"Finn truly loves you." Kurt smiled. "Yet another reason for you to hate me." She spit out. The anger obvious. "I don't hate you." he told her. "Yeah, now you don't hate me. Because I almost killed myself you don't hate me." She felt tears stinging her eyes.

"Rachel..." He started. "Don't. I don't care okay?" She said looking into his eyes. "It was right then, that he saw the true pain within her. He looked into her eyes, and it was as though he was seeing a new person. "You truly don't care anymore, do you?" He more stated than asked.

"I don't know. All I know, is that I two days ago, I was alone, and ready for this all to end, and then Finn showed up. And now, here I am, at his house, hating myself more than I did before." She choked through her tears.

"You shouldn't hate yourself." He shook his head and closed his eyes. " No one should feel like that." Kurt looked at the ceiling then over at Rachel. "I'm so sorry." He apologized. "I don't want your sympathy. I never wanted anyone's sympathy, okay? It was never about that." She confessed.

"Then tell me, what's it about?" He asked. She stood up and walked into the kitchen, obviously not ready to spill her soul.

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AT breakfast, everyone sat silently at the table, as Carole brought over pancakes for everyone. "Okay everyone, Burt and I have an announcement." She smiled widely. Finn looked over at Rachel and she just shrugged.

"Burt and I are getting married in two months," She squealed. Rachel smiled and looked at her happily. "I'm so happy for you." She said, in the monotonous voice she had acquired. Carole knew, that she meant it though, and hugged the girl.

"I'd love for you to come. Any friend of Finn's, is defiantly a friend of mine." She told her. Rachel nodded. She looked into Carole's eyes. "Thank you." She said sincerely. "For everything your doing for me. I promise, I won't stay much longer. I hate to put anybody out." Rachel sighed, and smiled another one of her great actress, fake smiles.

"Dear, I want you to be okay, so you are staying her until your dad's get back, no questions asked." Carole said as she patted Rachel's arm. And for once, she thought maybe, she belonged.

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Finn sat next to Rachel on the couch, after everyone had left. They were watching the news, because Finn had a habit of watching that during the summer. "Who else do you need to talk to for number eight?" He asked, nonchalantly. "Your acting like this isn't a big deal." Rachel sighed and looked over at him.

"It isn't. It's what you need to do. So, it's not a big deal. The big deal, is making sure your okay because I lo-" He was cut off. "Love me. I know, I know." She shook her head. "I get it." She breathed. He nodded. "Just making sure." He smiled and continued watching the news.

"Alright, so back to what I was saying, who else do you need to talk to for number eight?" He asked again. "No one. I'm done with that. I have no other individual I feel the need to talk to." Rachel told him. He nodded. "Okay, then which number is next?" He asked. She tilted her head and looked at him. "I figured we were finished." She laughed dryly. "Nope. We are finishing every one of those things." He popped the 'p' in nope.

She looked over at him. "Finn, we don't have to do this." She said while shaking her head. Finn looked over at her. "Yes we do. I think, we should do, number '7' or number '4.'" He said, as he stood up and walked into the kitchen to get some water.

She looked at the list, that Finn had pulled out of his jacket pocket, and set on the couch. "I 'm not ready for seven. Let's do four." She said.

He smiled. "I know just who we are going to talk to."

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**What do you think? Please comment!**


	10. Miriam Duncan at Number Four

**Here we go haha:) I couldn't not write another one tonight!**

**Chapter Ten: Miriam Duncan at number four**

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Rachel looked herself over in the mirror a few times before deciding on what to wear. She put on, a black skirt, with a matching long sleeved black shirt. She looks herself over one more time, then pulls her hair into a pony tail.

"I'm ready to go." She told him when she walks into the living room. Finn looked at her then frowned. "Ok." he said, with no real emotion in his voice. "Is something wrong?" She asked. He just shook his head and smiled. "Nothing, everything is perfect. Just like you." He said her, as he walked over and kissed her cheek.

"Let's go." he suggested, and they walk out to his car. They get in, buckle their seat belts, and get going. "It's kinda a long drive." he told her. She nodded. "That's ok. Things seem a little better when I'm with you." She said while looking out the window.

"Everything is wonderful when I'm with you." Finn smiled to himself. He really did love being with her. No matter how she felt, her presence just made everything better. "Oh Finn..." She shook her head and looked up at him. "I don't deserve this from you." Rachel told him.

"I love you." He answered. "I don't deserve that either." She pointed out. He laughed. "I'm allowed to love whoever I want. Even if it is unrequited." He smiled over at her. "So how long until we get there?" Rachel asked.

"About an hour." Finn answered. She nodded. "Thank you." She said wholeheartedly. Finn noticed, that those to words seemed to be the only ones she put very much emotion into. "Your welcome."

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When they arrived at there destination, Finn parked, but kept the car started. "Alright. So I called Miriam and told her we were coming." He said. Rachel nodded. "Whose Miriam?" She asked. He looked over at her. "My cousin. She's twenty. She attempted...um yeah when she was fifteen." He explained. "Suicide. She attempted suicide." She corrected. Finn nodded.

"You ready to go? She can't wait to talk to you." He smiled. Rachel nodded, as Finn turned off the car. They both got out, and walked up to the door. He knocked, and a man answered. He smiled and patted Finn on the back.

"Hey, Hey, Hey! Stranger, long time no see!" The man hugged Finn and greeted them. "You must be Rachel." He smiled, and Rachel nodded. "Welcome, I'm Matthew," The man introduced himself. Rachel nodded, and all three of them walked into the house.

"Miriam! The guests are here!" Matthew called out. Right then, a brunette woman walked out and into the living room. "Finny!" She called, and threw her arms around the tall boy. She kissed his cheek and smiled. "How have you been big boy? Is this that beautiful girl you were telling me about?" The girl, Rachel guessed was Miriam asked.

"Yes, Mir. This is Rachel Berry." He introduced her to Rachel. The tiny brunette stuck out her hand for Miriam to shake, but instead, she brought Rachel into a hug. "Welcome to our home." She told her.

Rachel nodded and fake smiled. "Are you ready to talk, while the boys watch the football game?" She asked. Rachel nodded, and Miriam took her hand.

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The girls settled into a bedroom and closed the door. "I'm Miriam Duncan, by the way." The girl told Rachel. She nodded. "If your uncomfortable, we can go to a different room. Bedrooms can seem kinda awkward." Miriam laughed. Rachel shook her head. "I'm fine." She told her. Miriam shook her head.

"Finn talks about you all the time. He's the cousin I'm closest to. His mother calls me once a week. Since my mom died, she kind of took the mothering role over. Even though I lived with my grandma, Carole made sure to call me everyday to see how I was doing. It started off Carole just talked to me, but then Finn started to as well. Now, they call me once a week just to talk." She explained.

Rachel sat down on the bed and nodded. "Every time we talk on the phone, he brings up the name Rachel berry. Your pretty famous in this house." Miriam chuckled, and Rachel just stared at her. Her expression still serious. "It started at the beginning of this year. He always talked about this girl, that he saw every where. He said he was having trouble getting her out of his head. Finn and I quote said, 'She's different in a great way.' One day, we were talking and he told me she wasn't talking to him. He was so upset. He didn't know what he did wrong. He told me a few things that she was doing. Like dressing differently, and not being as social. I didn't even know her, but immediately felt connected to her. I remembered feeling that way as well." Miriam confessed.

Rachel nodded. "Where are you going with this?" The tiny fragile girl asked sadly.

Miriam walked over and sat next to her. "I wasn't sure, if what happened to me was happening to you. So I told him to watch you. Carefully. He told me he already was, because there was no way he was going to let anything happen to the girl he loves." The older girl said.

Something hit Rachel. If that was true, then Finn loved her before, the whole suicide thing.

"We stopped talking for awhile. Because he was always busy when we were on the phone. About three days ago I talked to him again. He told me he was really worried about you. That you had cut your hair, and that you were always crying, and that the emotion was gone from your eyes. I immediately knew he needed to talk to you. I told him, he needed to make sure he was sure what was going on and proceed with caution. Then, I get a call today, telling me how he wanted me to talk to you. Because it was on your list. I didn't ask questions. I honestly really wanted to talk to you." Miriam finished her long story, while Rachel just stared at the wall.

"You felt the same way?" Rachel asked, finally turning to look at Miriam. She nodded. "Yep. I was always picked on, and pretty much tortured, in high school . I wasn't well liked, and so much. Plus, my dad beat me, only adding to the horribleness of it all. Then my mom died. The one person who seemed to understand me, died, and I was left with nothing." Rachel watched as a tear rolled down Miriam's cheek.

"I'm so sorry." Rachel sympathized. Remembering the nothing feeling.

"Don't be. I was a fifteen year old girl, who felt lost in this big, big world. Everything seemed to be falling down around me. I always tried to grab onto a tiny piece of hope, but somehow it always slipped away from me." Miriam told her.

"I know exactly how you felt." Rachel nodded, remembering the feeling of things crashing all around you. And how everything felt like it was fading away.

"Really? Tell me Rachel. Tell me how you felt." Miriam encouraged. "Felt? You mean feel. I feel as though, I'm trapped. Like no matter how hard I try, I can't escape this aching feeling, like everything I've ever had is being yanked away from me. It feel's like there is a giant hole where my heart should be." She said as tears rolled down her cheek.

Miriam nodded. Her eyes, showing that she wanted Rachel to go on. "It's like no matter how hard you try, everything is always still bad. And you try so hard, to take the pain away, with anything. And for a while I hoped someone would notice and help me. But after a while, I just stopped hoping and prepared myself for what came next." Rachel cried.

Miriam was getting teary eyed as well. "I didn't know it, but I had someone watching me like you did. We weren't friends, and I barley knew this guy, but he noticed. And he decided it was his job to make sure I was okay. Guess what? His name is Matthew Duncan, and I ended up marrying him." She smiled at the thought of her husband.

"That's sweet." The younger smiled, a real smile. "Tell me Rachel, what are some things that pushed you over the edge?"

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	11. Four Continued

**Please, Please! Review:( It makes me sad when I get like 0 reviews haha but actually every chapter got a review from Rockerchick or Rockergirl idr lol but thanks:)**

**Chapter Eleven: Four Continued**

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"So Finn, how are you?" Matthew asked as he got the two sodas and a bowl of chips so they could watch the game. They walked out of the kitchen and to the couch where they took there seats. "Good, I guess." The younger boy shrugged.

"You don't have to be brave for me dude." The shorter man sighed. "I feel like...at any moment...Rachel will be taken away from me." Finn said, as he turned on the tv. Matthew looked from the tv and back to Finn. "What do you mean?" He asked while staring strangley at the younger boy.

"I mean...that...did you know I found her before it happened? It was awful. There was crying and hugging, and I felt like I couldn't help her at all." Finn sighed. Matthew nodded. "I know what you mean, but you know, you did do something. You saved her life. And that's huge." He told him while looking at the floor, remembering something.

"Not really. I was just there when she needed me." He sighed. He loved Rachel, he really did, and there was no way he would've let anything happen to her.

"Isn't that all she needed? Some help?"

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"Tell me Rachel, what are some of the things that pushed you over the edge?" Miriam asked. Rachel just shook her head. "My dads. The stupid people at my school, my life in general. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling of never being enough of anything for anyone." The shorter girl told her.

Miriam nodded. "Do you ever feel like everyone's judging you? I mean like really judging you. To the point where it's to much to manage?" Finn's cousin asked. Rachel nodded. "Always. I hate it." She let the tears fall down her cheeks.

"You know Rachel, sometimes life isn't fair. You get hit with things you can't handle, and you get hit with things you can't."Miriam stated sadly. "What if everything I get hit with feels like something I can't handle. What if I can't handle anything anymore, and what if I don't want to handle anything anymore?" The small girl asked.

Miriam sighed. "Can I ask you a few questions?" The taller girl asked. Rachel nodded. "What's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?" Miriam asked her first question. The tiny brunette looked off into space for a few moments before answering.

"You'll never be good enough for anything. It's your fault I never want to be around. Sometimes, I wish your father had never wanted to adopt a child." tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as she answered. Miriam looked shocked. "Your mom said that to you?" She asked. Rachel shook her head. "No my other dad. I have two dad's." She corrected.

"That's awful." The older girl pulled her into a hug, then released her and smiled. "What's the kindest thing?" Miriam asked. Rachel smiled. "I'm not leaving you. I love you to much to let anything happen to you."

"Who said that?" Miriam wondered. "Finn." Rachel answered. "Well, maybe I should go. Thank you, for the talk it really helped." Rachel went back to her sad look. Miriam nodded. "Anytime."

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**Short sweet and to the point:)**


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